Dear Online Dating People,

Why.  Why do you message me or woo me when you know we live 1894 miles apart?  Especially when you specifically say in your profile that you're looking for real-life interaction, not just online.  Are you new to the U.S. and geography in general?  Why ( Read more... )

Dear Person Who Checked Out This Book Before Me,

Are you familiar with the concept of "library"?  How instead of us each buying our own copies of a book, we share them?  You borrow it, then I borrow it, then Mary Sue borrows it.  Guess what?  When you write ALL OVER THE BOOK in PERMANENT INK, that disrupts my turn.  I am forced to read over and ( Read more... )

Dear Library Patron,

I know that not everyone has the privilege of literacy.  Perhaps you cannot read this sign sitting ten inches away from your nose.  You are in a library and you seem to be reading a rather large book in front of you, but just in case, let me clear things up for you.  The sign says:  "PLEASE NO CELL PHONE USE IN THIS AREA ( Read more... )

Dear Fellow Computer Lab Patron,

I like babies.  I like computer labs.  I don't mind if they are combined, as long as the party of the first part remains quiet and/or sleeping.

I'm afraid said condition is not being fulfilled.  Your child is unhappy.  He/she is making bizarre frog-like noises and squawks.  Time to go home.

Sincerely,
Rebecca

How beautiful is The Niece now?

( SO BEAUTIFUL )

Dear Dawson's Creek (and all other teen drama) writers,

It is not romantic when the 16-year-old visits a college campus and ends up googly-eyed with the T.A. undergraduate who is hosting her.  If he's old enough to TA, he's old enough to make your little one-off  "romance" more of a "felony."

In fact, T.A.s in general should not be boinking their ( Read more... )

::headdesk::

::headdesk::

::headdesk::

Best Buy - I ... I just ... I don't know what to say here.  You suck in such a multitude of ways, I'm not sure it's possible to relate them all in English.

The laptop you sold me has had a bum CD drive from the start (even ( Read more... )

OMFG.

Mr. Landlord, you cannot call me at 7:30 on a Monday night and tell me that the new fridge (you remember, the one you promised months ago) is arriving on Wednesday between three and five PM and I need to be here to receive it.  JUST NO.

What planet do you live on?  When I tell you that I have to WORK ( Read more... )

Dear Mr. Landlord ( Read more... )

Dear DownstairsNeighbor,

I believe you are laboring under the delusion that you own this entire house.  'Fraid not. Your freakishly loud music is in fact audible to most of this city block.  It wasn't funny last night at midnight, and it's not funny now.  STOP.  IT.

No love,

Rebecca

ETA:  Good lord.  It's the Noisy Boys.  It's not even coming ( Read more... )